If Your English Teacher Could Rap

I was dreamin’ of tomorrow
so I – sacrificed today
It was a waste, a mistake
that I’m not makin’ again

You say begin again. Up,
jump in and live again
When I gave it all to love and learn,
now I’m paying for it

You think there’s gold in me,
but I’m fractured and weak
I can’t speak, I can’t sleep,
see I was in it too deep

Knee deep in what’s gone,
I’m wrong, you think I’m strong
But if you could only see me smiling
through tears for so long

You call it poor selfish grief,
lost in a heathen’s disbelief
Like if I could find some relief,
maybe then I’d feel complete

But that won’t take back words that were said,
won’t get acts out of my head
Won’t erase the scars that are left
from the years that I bled

Might well have sliced through my wrists;
it would have been over quick
Better than years of killin’ myself
with the life that you lived

Is it too late to change?
‘Cause the past, it leaves stains
The remorse, loss, and shame
will be what mark my remains

You aim to love this to…  Take
this mess of brokenness?
Thinkin’ you’ll change the face of
my past by fakin’ openness

started in 2009, finished today

Photo by Yan Krukau

Alright, this is my last poetry post. Maybe we’ll do this again next April for National Poetry Month. In my head, this poem is actually a rap, I just cut out the hook. My ex-husband used to make beats, and I recall showing my respect for his heroes by giving this genre of music a try. I wrote a few raps in my late twenties that no one will ever see. I secretly admire Eminem for his ability to rhyme syllables and push boundaries in novel ways; in my head, he’s also the one rapping these lines!

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